Sober Escort?

The first sober escort I ever met was Maria. She was a spunky, sexy brunette who attended my home group. She worked a good program and still had a hard time staying sober for more than a few months at a time. Maria felt prostitution was an impediment to her sobriety and it was her wish to quit the business someday soon. I eventually lost track of her so I have no idea if she ever did quit prostitution nor do I know if she was able to sustain any long-term sobriety.

But I certainly recall the resistance I felt inside myself when some members of twelve step recovery assumed that certain professions or sexual orientations are inconsistent with a life of sobriety.

 

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What About God?

A reader recently asked me “Do you believe in God?” The question made me smile because I have a very fluid relationship with that question, and my thoughts and feelings about it are often in flux.

I could get in trouble with a few people here, but if you will suspend your personal beliefs on this topic for a moment, I would like to share some of my feelings, fantasies and understandings regarding the Divine. I do give myself the freedom to entertain many possibilities and I invite you to do the same. After all, The Shame Free Zone is all about eliminating shame – even our spiritual shame. We all deserve the freedom to explore our unique thoughts and feelings about life, God, morality and love!

Below, is the answer that came to me today, to that age old question. But please keep in mind my answer will probably be something different a few months from now. If you read to the end of this entry,  you will see why:

Well I certainly do not believe in the god I was raised with – a punishing old man who seemed to hate women and sex and animals without a shred of compassion or mercy.  I am not a follower of any single teacher or guru or holy one, not even Jesus.  In fact, I am not convinced that the historical Jesus ever existed although I wouldn’t be disturbed or disappointed to discover that he had.  If he did exist, I don’t think his goal was to be rich or famous or to found a religion.  Maybe he was bisexual and had a baby out of wedlock with that famous prostitute, Mary Magdalene, whom incidentally I think may have very possibly been an apostle and a prostitute and a mother and a prophet.  Can you imagine what a powerful woman she would have been?

But back to this moment in time which is really all I have for sure. I prefer not to believe.  I don’t like the concept of “facts.”  Humans have been asserting the “facts” for centuries only to find out they had it completely wrong.  Every time we invent another way to perceive, we learn just how wrong the “facts” are.  For instance, the solar system and germs and DNA all revoked our “truth” with new “truth.” 

Similarly, my experience of the Divine continues to morph and with each twist of the dial, I am further and further convinced that a world beyond our physical bodies does exist and furthermore that I haven’t the slightest idea what defines that spiritual world.  

My concept of a Higher Power began as Him and then became Her but now is Them.  Which concept is true?  I don’t care. I am not attached to “truth.”  I am open to the journey and guidance in the form of urgings and knowings which don’t originate from my skull but could nevertheless be emanating from some part of me which doesn’t even reside in my body. 

Now if I can entertain that possibility and yet have NO idea if any of this is “real” or if perhaps it is all a dream of some sort, than I am open to the next bit of experience and the “knowing” that it may bring.

I do believe in God. And God keeps changing form for me. The only constant is my journey toward the Love. Whatever is Love is my God.

Confused?  If you are, it isn’t a bad thing.  I like to stay confused because it means I am still teachable.